Bag O Fun - this is the biggest bag of something anyway...

Last night my pissed friend and I bought the following comic from the local shop -

We (I) chose it because of all the fabulous, life changing gifts included. These were the following - 

1. A Humf cookery playset - jolly handy considering what I'd just written about wanting some fried eggs

2. A MAGIC painting book - a fucking MAGIC painting book! And it truly is - all you have to do is splash some water onto it and colours appear! How did I never see one of these before? I was possibly more impressed than I should have been

3. Peppa Pig crayons - only three - red green and yellow. Whatever happened to giving out blue as well? I mean four crayons was stingy enough, is the wax business really in that much trouble? If so, then maybe they should stop making candles as if everyone on the fucking planet buys a million a day*

4. Outdoor fun! Not really - it's just a colouring book featuring wholesome, girl-guide type activities. I haven't yet had any fun with it outdoors. Or any fun.

5. Peppa Pig roll of stickers - now this is more like it. Stickers always equal fun. Since I'm about to leave my job I might just stick them all on the main office door and see if anyone can figure out who did it

So, I think we can safely disregard 1, 3 and 4 for now. but I want to get onto the more important business of just how magic is this magic colouring book? We shall see. This is the picture I chose -

Because a 40 year old manboy humping a drum can never be dull.

I will now perform the sacred hydro-magic ritual, and record my results -

HOLY HELL THAT'S AMAZING! Although it's not really, since the entire boy is now purple. I think he had an accident of some kind. Who knew water could give you third degree burns?

Oh well, onwards and upwards. The actual comic is just stories about blowing bubbles and walking on stilts, until we come to the competition page - 

Competition! I can so win this! Think about it, the other entries are likely to be from toddlers, so my art skills should be far superior. I have this in the bag.

Here is my entry - 

It is a mermaid preparing to give a tit-wank to a passing sailor. Much better than a scribble of some flowers, I'm sure you will agree. I might send it off, except they don't actually tell you what you win. For all I know it could be something awesome like a bouncy castle, or it could be something terrible like a year's subscription to Bag O Fun. Maybe I won't take that risk.

*Speaking of wax crayons, did anyone else ever do that weird thing of sharpening your crayons and collecting the shavings to make a sort of really crap "glitter"? No? Just me and my friends then. That shit got everywhere, let me tell you.